Sample Results
Deep DiveThis is the full report two partners see after completing a HowYouLoveMe check-in, shown here for a fictional couple. Every chart and number below is produced by the same scoring used for real check-ins.
What this couple's report shows
- Their priorities overlap only partly: ranking alignment is 42%.
- Jordan understands Alex's priorities better than the reverse (89% prediction accuracy versus 73%).
- Alex's biggest blind spot is Emotional Openness: Alex rates their own effort 6/10, while Jordan feels 3/10. It is also Jordan's top-ranked need.
- Jordan's biggest blind spot is Helpful Actions (7/10 given, 4/10 felt), which is Alex's top-ranked need.
- Each of them is strongest in a style the other ranks low, which is why both feel they are trying hard without it landing.
New to the eight styles? Read the guide to connection styles or how perception gaps work.
Ranking Alignment
42%
Different priorities, but a great chance to understand each other better
Connection Style Rankings
Alex's Ranking
- 1Helpful Actions
- 2Shared Experiences
- 3Affectionate Touch
- 4Intellectual Connection
- 5Verbal Encouragement
- 6Thoughtful Gifts
- 7Emotional Openness
- 8Spiritual Alignment
Jordan's Ranking
- 1Emotional Openness
- 2Verbal Encouragement
- 3Shared Experiences
- 4Affectionate Touch
- 5Helpful Actions
- 6Intellectual Connection
- 7Thoughtful Gifts
- 8Spiritual Alignment
How Well Do You Know Each Other?
Alex predicting Jordan
73%
Jordan predicting Alex
89%
How Love Is Received
| Connection style | Alex | Jordan |
|---|---|---|
| Verbal Encouragement | 8 | 4 |
| Helpful Actions | 4 | 8 |
| Thoughtful Gifts | 5 | 5 |
| Shared Experiences | 7 | 7 |
| Affectionate Touch | 6 | 7 |
| Emotional Openness | 8 | 3 |
| Intellectual Connection | 6 | 6 |
| Spiritual Alignment | 5 | 5 |
Perception Gaps
Dark bars = what the giver thinks they give. Light bars = what the receiver actually feels.
Alex giving to Jordan
| Connection style | Alex thinks | Jordan feels |
|---|---|---|
| Verbal Encouragement | 6 | 4 |
| Helpful Actions | 9 | 8 |
| Thoughtful Gifts | 5 | 5 |
| Shared Experiences | 7 | 7 |
| Affectionate Touch | 7 | 7 |
| Emotional Openness | 6 | 3 |
| Intellectual Connection | 6 | 6 |
| Spiritual Alignment | 4 | 5 |
Jordan giving to Alex
| Connection style | Jordan thinks | Alex feels |
|---|---|---|
| Verbal Encouragement | 8 | 8 |
| Helpful Actions | 7 | 4 |
| Thoughtful Gifts | 5 | 5 |
| Shared Experiences | 7 | 7 |
| Affectionate Touch | 6 | 6 |
| Emotional Openness | 8 | 8 |
| Intellectual Connection | 6 | 6 |
| Spiritual Alignment | 5 | 5 |
Gap Breakdown
Where what you think you give differs from what your partner feels
Alex's gaps giving to Jordan:
Jordan's gaps giving to Alex:
Biggest Blind Spots
Alex
Emotional Openness
Thinks 6/10, partner feels 3/10
Jordan
Helpful Actions
Thinks 7/10, partner feels 4/10
Unmet Needs
Top-priority styles scoring below 5: the most urgent areas
Alex
Jordan
Hidden Strengths
Low-priority styles where your partner scores you surprisingly well
Alex
Jordan
Mutual Dynamics
Both feel strong here:
What They Said
Verbal Encouragement
Alex on receiving from Jordan:
“Jordan tells me they're proud of me all the time. It's nice, I just don't always know what to do with it.”
Jordan on receiving from Alex:
“I know Alex loves me, but I almost never hear why. I'd give a lot for one specific compliment a week.”
Alex on giving to Jordan:
“I say thank you and I love you every day.”
Jordan on giving to Alex:
“I tell Alex what I appreciate about them constantly.”
Helpful Actions
Alex on receiving from Jordan:
“I handle most of the logistics. When I'm slammed at work I wish Jordan would just take something off my plate without me asking.”
Jordan on receiving from Alex:
“Alex does so much. The car is always full of gas and I never think about dinner. It's honestly not the thing I need most, though.”
Alex on giving to Jordan:
“I do the cooking, the car stuff, the taxes. That's how I say I love you.”
Jordan on giving to Alex:
“I think I pull my weight. I do the laundry and most of the cleaning.”
Shared Experiences
Alex on receiving from Jordan:
“Our Sunday hikes are the best part of my week.”
Affectionate Touch
Jordan on receiving from Alex:
“Always reaches for my hand. I love that.”
Emotional Openness
Alex on receiving from Jordan:
“Jordan shares everything, which I admire. I'm not as good at it.”
Jordan on receiving from Alex:
“When something is wrong Alex goes quiet and fixes things around the house. I find out what it was days later, if at all.”
Alex on giving to Jordan:
“I think I'm fairly open. I tell Jordan when something's bothering me, eventually.”
Jordan on giving to Alex:
“I share what I'm feeling and I always ask how Alex is really doing.”
Connection Patterns
Alex
Dismissive
Anxiety: 2/5 · Avoidance: 3.8/5
Jordan
Preoccupied
Anxiety: 3.8/5 · Avoidance: 1.8/5
This is the classic pursue-withdraw dynamic. The preoccupied partner seeks closeness while the dismissive partner needs space. Understanding this pattern is the first step to breaking the cycle: the pursuer can learn to self-soothe, and the withdrawer can practice reaching out.
Feeling Appreciated
Alex
7/10
Effort noticed: 3/5
Jordan
6/10
Effort noticed: 4/5
Alex:
“Jordan thanks me a lot, but I'm not sure they see how much planning goes into keeping things running.”
Last felt valued: “Last month when Jordan told their parents I was the reason the move went smoothly.”
Jordan:
“I feel taken care of, but not always seen. I want to be asked about my day and actually listened to.”
Last felt valued: “When Alex stayed up with me the night before my thesis defense.”
How Well Do You Know Each Other?
What is your partner's biggest current worry?
Alex guessed about Jordan:
Probably the reorg at work and whether their team survives it.
Jordan actually said:
The reorg at work. I don't know if my role survives it.
Jordan guessed about Alex:
Work. Alex won't say it, but I think they're close to burnout.
Alex actually said:
Whether I can keep up this pace at work without burning out.
What does your partner consider their greatest achievement?
Alex guessed about Jordan:
Finishing their master's while working full time.
Jordan actually said:
Finishing my master's while working full time.
Jordan guessed about Alex:
Buying our home.
Alex actually said:
Buying our place without help from anyone.
Name your partner's closest friend outside of you
Alex guessed about Jordan:
Priya, from college.
Jordan actually said:
Priya.
Jordan guessed about Alex:
Their brother Sam.
Alex actually said:
My brother Sam.
If your partner could change one thing about their life right now, what would it be?
Alex guessed about Jordan:
A shorter commute.
Jordan actually said:
A job that doesn't follow me home.
Jordan guessed about Alex:
Fewer obligations. More time with nothing planned.
Alex actually said:
More unscheduled time.
What does your partner most need from you right now?
Alex guessed about Jordan:
Help around the house so they can rest.
Jordan actually said:
To be let in. I want to know what's going on in Alex's head.
Jordan guessed about Alex:
I'm honestly not sure. Maybe more affection?
Alex actually said:
For Jordan to notice when I'm overloaded and step in.
Safety & Resilience
Emotional Safety
Alex
3.6/5
Jordan
4.1/5
Conflict Recovery
Alex
3.7/5
Jordan
3.1/5
View detailed responses
Emotional Safety
Conflict Recovery
Future Vision
Where do you want to be living in 5 years?
Alex
Same city, but a house with a yard and a workshop.
Jordan
Open to moving. Somewhere walkable, closer to my sister.
How important is career advancement to you vs. work-life balance?
Alex
I'd take balance over a bigger title at this point.
Jordan
Career matters to me for a few more years, then balance.
Do you want children? If so, how many and when?
Alex
Yes, one or two, in the next three years or so.
Jordan
Yes, two. I'd like to start sooner rather than later.
How often do you want to travel?
Alex
Two real trips a year, somewhere with trails.
Jordan
As often as we can afford. At least one big trip a year.
How important is it to live near extended family?
Alex
Not essential. A few hours' drive is close enough.
Jordan
Important. I'd like to be within an hour of family.
What does your ideal week look like?
Alex
Productive weekdays, one fully unplanned day on the weekend.
Jordan
Dinner together most nights and one evening out with friends.
AI Insights (example)
In a real check-in, this section is generated from both partners' answers. The example below was written by our team to show the format and tone.
The pattern in one sentence
You are both working hard at this relationship, and each of you is speaking the language you most want to hear.
What is going well
- Shared Experiences is a genuine strength. You both rank it in your top three and both score it 7. Protect the Sunday hikes.
- Jordan predicted Alex's priorities almost perfectly. Alex, you are well understood, even if it does not always feel that way.
- You agree on the big picture: you both want children, regular travel, and a life that is not run by work.
Where the wires cross
Alex gives through actions; Jordan is listening for words. Alex rates their own Helpful Actions at 9, and Jordan agrees it is excellent (8). But it is Jordan's fifth priority. Meanwhile Jordan's top two needs, Emotional Openness and Verbal Encouragement, are the two lowest scores Jordan gave (3 and 4).
The mirror image is also true. Jordan pours effort into words and emotional sharing, which Alex ranks fifth and seventh. Alex's first priority, Helpful Actions, is the lowest score Alex gave (4).
Neither of you is failing to love the other. You are each over-delivering in your own native style.
The attachment layer
Alex's answers lean toward processing alone; Jordan's lean toward seeking reassurance. Under stress this becomes a loop: Alex goes quiet to cope, Jordan reads the quiet as distance and pursues, Alex withdraws further. Naming the loop out loud is usually the first thing that weakens it.
Three things to try this month
- Alex: once a week, tell Jordan one specific thing you appreciated and why. Specificity matters more than frequency.
- Jordan: when Alex looks overloaded, take one task off their list without being asked, and say nothing about it.
- Both: when Alex needs space, agree on a return time ("I need an hour, then let's talk"). Space with an end point reads very differently from silence.
A question to discuss together
Jordan was unsure what Alex needs most right now. Alex, what is the honest answer?
How to read a report
Ranking alignment
Each partner ranks the eight connection styles from most to least important. The alignment score compares the two lists, weighting disagreements about someone's top three more heavily than the bottom of the list. A low score is not a bad sign. It means you need different things, which is only a problem when neither of you knows it.
Prediction accuracy
Before seeing each other's answers, each partner guesses how the other ranked the styles. This measures how well you know what your partner needs, separately from how well you deliver it.
Perception gaps and blind spots
You score how well you think you give each style. Your partner scores how well they feel they receive it. The difference is the perception gap, and the largest one is your blind spot: the place where your effort is landing least. A gap of three or more points is worth a conversation.
Unmet needs and hidden strengths
An unmet need is a style your partner ranks near the top but scores low on receiving. A hidden strength is the opposite: something you do well that your partner does not prioritize. Hidden strengths often explain the feeling of trying hard without it being noticed.
Deep Dive modules
The longer check-in adds attachment patterns (how each of you handles closeness under stress), Partner IQ (how well you can answer questions about each other's inner life), emotional safety, conflict recovery, and how your pictures of the future compare.
A report is a starting point for a conversation, not a verdict. HowYouLoveMe is a reflection tool and not a substitute for counseling. For a structure to talk through results together, see how to run a relationship check-in.
See your own results
Create a check-in, invite your partner, and compare your answers side by side. The Quick check-in takes about 10 minutes each.
Start Your Free Check-InLast updated September 18, 2026